well um my story is my father abused me for nine years and my brother also did too. I was bullied as a child for being a tomboy(Not anymore) people would call me fat ugly and stupid and i started to believe them. I've had an eating disorder since I was 13 years old and i began cutting at age 14. I started dating this guy this December of 2012 and i was happy, but then my best friend "M" lied to me and started dating my boyfriend. so he broke up with me and i lost two of my best friends. But my other friends helped me a lot. I've attempted suicide 4 times 3 by ODing one by getting hit. This past June(2013) I was put in a psych ward for an attempted overdose. I was there for 9 days. I actually loved it. When i was released I was doing a lot better. I was doing better for 4 months and this past November things started getting worse. My eating disorder came back worse than ever, I began self harming again after 2 months clean. And my OCD tendencies are getting more severe. and my life is a mess. But i'm trying. I'm trying to recover. I have amazing friends that help. and even though I hate my life, I'm trying for them. I know you can recover too♥

March 2012 I was playing with my fathers phone when I came across a text from my older sister's best friend (23) and to my dismay discovered he was having an affair with her behind my mothers back. This immediately led to my dad being kicked out and a REALLY messy divorce. However, once some of the kids heard about what happened at home, they started to pick on me about it, making fun of me cuz my dad left me for someone not much different than my age. They'd say things like "think he'd go for me too?" Or "so lorraine, have you been hitting up the local preschools?" They thought they were only kidding and thought I knew that, but it really hurt and got to me because I already felt I wasn't good enough for my own father to stay with the family.
Eventually the bullying got worse when I became one of the founders and VP of my school's GSA, even though I was straight. People tend to ignore the "straight alliance" part of the clubs name and just focus on the gay aspect. So immediately everyone thought I was either bi or lesbien. Which turned out to be very interesting being several girls who weren't even out asked me out after that....
In November of 2013 I couldn't take it anymore. My anxiety got way out of control and I went to my mom and asked her to take me to the doctor because I couldn't do it on my own. So I went and was put of Zoloft. A little before that doctors trip I developed this horrible unconscious habit of whenever I was anxious I would scratch my own skin to the point where it was bleeding. I wouldn't even notice myself doing it, my best friend is the one who pointed it out on me.
By the time April of next year came the bullying wouldn't stop, my depression skyrocketed and my scratching got to an unbearable point to where my best friend was afraid for me. He didnt know but by that point I had already tried killing myself 6 times, failing each time. He made me go get more help, which was in treatment therapy at our local mental hospital. This included 9 days of intense therapy to deal with my anxiety, depression, OCD, suicidal ideation and despersonalization disorder which was why I was scratching myself. This also led to LOTS of more meds.
After that I was released and went back to school things just got bad again. The bullying continued, the stress at home was too much and instead of scratching I moved up a level and picked up cutting. This time I didn't tell my best friend cuz I didn't want to go back. However, in May one of my suicide cuts were noticed by him when I was changing at his house and I was once again forced to go back to stay in the mental hospital. At this point mg suicide attempt rate went up to 8 total attempts, again all of which were fails. This stay equaled 10 days. And ended with just even more meds.
Now people at school began to pick up on there wasnt something right about me, that I was different. With my anxiety sometimes I'd have attacks during class and would have to leave the classroom. Some people would see the cuts and rumors started, though my best friend and I would try to tell them different. I slipped again, I went right back to the cutting because I couldn't take the pressure from my friend and family to be okay. To not care what people are saying behind my back. To just forget about them and be the happy girl I once was before I lost my dad, before everyone began bullying me, before I was the straight-lesbien.
Needless to say, a really close call suicide attempt led me right back to the good old mental hospital. Totally 10 attempts in total and that leaving me with a 18 day stay, my longest yet. That one was just last month.
Since that stay I've been clean 3 weeks straight now and haven't thought too much into another attempt.
My life's a rollercoaster so I'm very scared to go back to school. All my cuts are healed now, but my arms and wrists are covered in scars and I'm afraid what people will say or if it will just land me right back in the mental hospital. But it's my senior year, and I plan on making the best of it.
Wish me luck ill make it through.

So i've been bullied ever elementary school and I'm in high school now. I've been called fat, ugly, stupid, a whore. Basically ive heard everything in the book. When I was younger my dad use to verbally and emotionally abuse me. he told me that I was fat, he threatened me, harrased me. He told me that he'd hurt me if I told anyone and still to this day i've never told anyone because im to scared of him. I'm a very athletic person so ive always loves to play sports especially football and full contact sports. I've been called a slut and a whore because of that. I went to try out for my schools golf team and I got called a slut. In school I'm very quiet. I have a few friends but we are slowly drifting apart. The one person who understood me most in my life was my Uncle. He was the nicest guy ive ever known. He was more of a dad to me than my.own dad. He was diagnosed with cancer a year ago. In April he passed away. Thats when my depression got worse. You see I never got to say goodbye to him. The last time I saw him was in February when he was in the hospital. As I went to hug him goodbye he told me I couldn't hug him because he didn't want me to get sick or anything. That sucked cause he was the person I looked up to most in life. He died the morning after a benefit that my family had for him the night before. it sucks to know that i.wont see him for a really long time. Ive been harrased by My dads gf so many times. Shes called me fat more times than i.can count and.she.constantly makes my life a living hell. School sucks because of how quiet I am. My dads gf even told me that.I dont have ADHD, anxiety, dyslexia and other stuff which I was diagnosed with. Between her and school.I use to scratch and cut. I havent in a while but it sucks. Ive never been on a date with a guy or had my first kiss or anything yet I still get called a whore and slut. A couple of people are like I wanna be u but it sucks to be me. I have so many things wrong in my life and family. Some days I wonder if everyone would be better of without me

When I said "your worst moments in life may be worse than someone else's best" I had meant to say "your worst moments in life may have been better than someone else's best."

Thanks again.

Just a few questions? Why is it that the only issues you ever discuss are typical "suburban" issues. Why do you never discuss inner-city issues? Do those who are injured or die innocently in a drive-by not matter? Or those who face police brutality or domestic abuse? Are they not worthy of support? It just seems a little one dimensional to only publicize issues typical of upper class white children, when many, many, more suffer much worse than what they have ever known. If you considering killing yourself, think about this: your worst moments in life may be worse than someone else's best moment. Instead of wasting your life, why not attempt to save others?

Second, would you mind changing your twitter location to Woodbury MN, instead of St. Paul? Why say you are from somewhere you are not? Even, "a suburb of St. Paul" would suffice, but don't claim to be from an city you are not from.

That's about it. Thanks.

I don't really know when this started. I guess it did when I was 4 years old, still in kindergarten. Kids didn't want to be my friend. I don't know why. at that point I started to get very shy and scared of people. Since then, I was always scared about what people would think of me. The other kids didn't wanted to play games with me, when we had pe, (sports) I was always the last one to be choosen for teams.
When I started primary school, things got slightly better when years went by. Until my last year in PS. I did have a few friends, 2 girls, but the other girls from my year thought different. They started to pick on me and my friends, shoving us into walls, insulting us for a lot of things, calling us names. This made me even more concious about myself then I already was. My insecurity started.
After Leaving my little primary school behind, I started Secondary school, or High school, as you can call it. My first year was okay. I met new people, but I didn't really have friends, because of my insecurity and my shyness. my first year was quite normal, so I thought I would be alright through high school. o boy, what was I wrong. Second year was one of the worst things I have ever been through.
Because of the social anxiety I developed throughout the years, I didn't really talk much. I did answer questions as people asked me them, but in school, I wasn't very loud, so they accused me of ignoring them and started ignoring me. Really ignoring. I never got involved in anything. Always on the sideline. I got more and more depressed, not wanting to live anymore, because my life was shit. I cut myself for the first time that year. I was 14. I thought it also was the last time, because I regretted it after it happened. I did feel better at the moment, but I thought it wasn't worth it in the end. The ignoring changed in calling names and still leaving me out of everything. After a while, it even became fysical bullying. One of my bullies started punching me. Hard and long. It was the first I spook up and told them to stop. But no one listened. They only stopped when a teacher came near. After that, It all came back to just ignoring. and I could live with that. I was left alone.
In my thirth year of high school, I made some friends. The first real friends in almost 3 years. We became very close and since I had friends, I wasn't that alone anymore. In the folowing years, I became more confident. I'm still shy and I still struggle with the social anxiety, but it's getting better.
At the end of my forth year, my parents found out about how I felt. They found a letter where I had written everything down, about how I felt. They send me to a therapist, because they thought that would be the best for me. But the thing is, I'm not an easy talker, it's even harder when it is about what I feel. Everything together, I went a year to the therapist. In the beginning, I was okay with that, but more at the end, I didn't want to go anymore. I wnet to therapy and school during my fifth year. I thought everything was going to be okay.Until I had the stupid to start posting videos on youtube. in the beginning, it helped with my confidence. Until one of my friends saw one of those videos. There was a picture in it, where I was together with them. A few days after she saw it, she showed it to the rest of my friends. I was sick that day, so I wasn't there to defend myself. We had a huge fight through text, they asked me to take it down, what I did, immediatly, but they thought I didn't and they started attacking me. 5 persons at the same time, with the same texts. I don't mind them telling me what they think, but that was one of the most unpersonal thhings ever happened to me. I started doubting, doubting about myself, doubting about the friends I had. I already was an emotional wreck at that time, but that wsa the last drop. After the last text, I picked up a blade, one I got from a pencilsharpener, and I cut myself again. 3 years ago, I thought it would be the last time, but now, It was even worse. This time, my friends betrayed me. The friends I made on twitter lived on the other side of the world, so I litearlly had no one at that moment. An hour later, one of those friends came online, and I could talk to her. I told her everything. She helped me lighten up the mood. After that, for a full week, I couldn't stop cutting, my whole arm was covered in cuts and I had quite a hard time hiding them. After a while, my friends found out and wanted to talk with me about it, but I couldn't and didn't want to talk about it.
At the same time, I got very insecure about my weight. My friends were all very skinny and my family called me fat mutiple times, in all sort of ways. I almost stoppped eating, started excercising more and lost 4 kg in a week and a half. That's when my ED started. I still skip lunch, want to keep diner at is lowest and force myself to eat breakfast.
I do get stronger, but everything that happened crushed me and broke me.
Late at night, I still cry myself to sleep.
I lost my friends in my battle, but I made new ones. But it is highly impossible that I will ever meet them.
I just wish I could be genuinly happy, instead of faking it and that I could get rid of the anxiety.
Because that is the worst

Pretty much I was a happy kid until about 5th grade, that's when life started get horrible. you see I was born with a disability so I can't walk and at a younger age no one really cared but as we all got older people started being bullies and making fun of me for it. over the years bullying got worse and worse until the point I couldn't take it and began cutting to find relief. I just couldn't deal with it all all the name calling and getting actually beat up then just laughed at it was all to much. that was when my first and pretty much only so far real suicide attempt came. I felt hated and felt like no one would care so I took a bunch of pills to try and overdose it didn't work but I was scared to try again at the time. the bullying continued over the years. I tried telling my parents and people of authority at school nothing worked they all took it as immature normal teenage catty girl problems they pretty much told me to deal with it myself, so I pretty much gave up on telling adults I just dealt with it, I figured it was no big deal I only had a few more months with them then we graduated 8th grade, when I got to highschool it might be easier because we have 3 different districts that go to the same hs so I figured new people, a new chance to make friends and have less issues. I was partially right now that I am in high school things have gotten better but haven't fully gone away. I have kind of learned to deal with it. I still self harmed for a while but am trying to stop I went a whole year and a half without doing it but then got some pretty mean facebook messages that sent me over the edge and I cut a lot. I am now one week clean from SH and it is an everyday battle I deal with but am getting better. I have started learning ways to deal with it I listen to music a lot some songs specific really fit my life perfectly and help me get through it and meeting my heroes the band members at shows and talking to them getting there advice really helps me I even recently finally met my all time favorite band forever the sickest kids a few weeks ago at warped tour and I got to talk to them and I made them a promise that I would try my best to stop and next time I saw them my scars would be healing and no fresh cuts. That is a promise I intend to try my hardest to keep. Even though life has not always been the easiest it has gotten better and I know now that I am a strong person and I can get through whatever life puts in front of me, I am now 16 and a junior in high school ,school has gotten much better and I have lots of friends now, I know nothing can bring me down and life will get better.

Before I even begin I want to say that I know my story isn't nearly as bad as it could have be and I am lucky to never experience a lot of what you guys have experienced, but it is my story so I would like to share. When I was little, my grandpa was my best friend. Whenever I had the chance I would spend every waking moment with him. One day, I found out he was diagnosed with lung cancer. It really hurt me. Even though I was only 4 at the time, I couldn't imagine him having to struggle. After about a year of fighting cancer, he was admitted to the hospital and was only given a few more weeks to live. It was the end of June and the doctors said he only had a few more days to live. I remember going in to the hospital room, and seeing my grandpa with yellowish skin looking at me, when he started to cry. My birthday is the beginning of July. So he told me that he WAS going to live until after my birthday because he didn't want to see me sad on it. The day after my birthday, I got a call from my grandma telling me he has passed away. Even though I was only 5 years old, I was depressed. I didn't know what to do, he was the only person I could tell everything too. After a while I finally got happier and haven't been depressed since (I am now 16). But now I feel like I am not good enough for anybody. I haven't ever had a real boyfriend, never had my first kiss. I feel like I am a disappointment to my parents and that I never do anything right. But the thing is you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at me. If you had to stereotype me I would be considered a jock. But I am nothing like that. Everybody assumes since I play sports and hangout with a lot of guys I am a bitch, slut or a whore. They think I party every weekend. I am not like that though. I have never drank or smoked in my life and I don't plan on it because I feel like it would waste all my hard work I have put into playing sports. If you looked at me from the outside it seems like I have the perfect life and everybody wants to be me. I have a lot of friends, I am the star athlete of the school, I am what people consider 'popular', I drive a newer BMW, I am the starter/co captain of the soccer team, I have straight A's. I am what everybody wants to be. But in reality, you don't want to be me. It sucks to be honest. I feel like there are standards I have to live up to and if I don't I have failed. I feel like I disappoint my parents in everything I do. I am never good enough for myself. I am so hard on myself, NOTHING is good enough. And in all honesty, it sucks. But I am learning to deal with it. I know there are worse stories out there but I just want you guys to know, being who you think is perfect probably isn't anywhere near perfect and it is probably a cover up for how they really feel. Well that is all for now. Just to let all of you guys know I am here for you and if you ever need anything, and I mean anything just let me know! I would be more than happy to help!!

Never have I been strong enough to share my story with anyone. So this is a little challenging.

What does a little girl do when the most important man in her life tears her apart? Breaks her down? Leaves her? This girl watched her dad abuse the ones he "loved". She listened to his cruel words as he labeled her 'fat' and told her she would never achieve her dreams. She watches as her family fell apart. But there was nothing she could do.

She was five when her parents finally got divorced. It tore her apart, but she had to stay quiet. She had to stay out of the way. The guilt was overwhelming. She felt it was her fault. And now she was abandoned. Her dad left and didn't come back. Her own father didn't even love her. If he couldn't, then no one could. She must be unloveable right? But she couldn't tell anyone these feelings she was experiencing... Everyone had been through enough. She must be perfect and cause no more pain.

So she grew up, lost and confused. She never really fit it, and she took the other kids' comments as jokes. She couldn't break down. She had to hold it in. But she started to lose herself. She stopped eating her breakfasts and lunches. The girl was still so young, but she didn't know what else to do. She needed to be perfect.

As she got older, she yearned for someone to make her feel special, someone to fill the void her dad left. So she started letting in abusive guys. Never physically abusive, but always emotionally and sexually. She was used and taken advantage of. She felt worthless. But she still blamed herself.

Do you know what it feels like to have your whole school turned against you... For something that wasn't even true? This girl does. She was sexually abused- forced to perform all sorts of sexual favors for a sick and controlling guy. But when she broke free and refused to give herself completely up to him, he retaliated. He lied to everyone. He slandered her name. And his girlfriend found out and targeted the girl that didn't even want the guy Inge first place. Soon twitter was full of threats and vile words all directed at this broken girl who already hated herself. The whole school hated her. All for a lie.

So she broke, who wouldn't? She still couldn't tell anyone about the pain she felt, so she held it in. Her scars are the only evidence of her pain. All her regrets, her fears, her hurt, she kept to herself.

When her world was slowly caving, her dad decided to come back. Of all the people that hurt her, her fucking dad came back and forces himself into her life. Through custody battles and court ordered visitation, he haunted her again. All the memories came back and new ones were formed. He was breaking her down. Her self harm increased as she needed to cope with the pain. She turned more to bingeing and purging as well as fasting for days. Her world fell apart. She was lost. She was alone.

The unbreakable girl broke.


This girl is me.

But this girl is stronger now. She's a fighter. She's in recovery. Every day is a struggle, but she doesn't have to do this on her own. One day, she will be free.

Well where do I start? I guess from the beginning.
It started when I was in kindergarten but got worse in 2nd grade with some girls calling me stupid,ugly and some cuss words that I will not repeat and pushing me down and taking my cupcake at lunch. In 4th it started to effect my life out of the classroom,at recess I'd go on the swings and just as I'd get to the top and came back down someone would grab the chain,causing me to fall off and land on my head but luckily I never got more than a scratch and some bruises.
In 5th I'd walk home every single day,and some guys who picked on me at recess would follow me and either beat me up or throw stuff at me,boys can't hit girls? That rule has never applied here.eventually I just spent recess in the library everyday just to get away.
Last year in 6th I broke,I got beat up more,got made fun of even more because of my looks,handwriting(which is awful),and because I am 100% non violent and I don't cuss.
I basically would spend my afternoon crying and looking on google for pictures of horses,they've always been able to cheer me up. I was so vulnerable that someone could just say "I don't like your shirt" and I'd break down.

This year at first was great,then at the end of December it started again,now It's getting worse everyday but I don't break down anymore and I just take to twitter or read a book when I need someone,considering I have 3 friends at school and 0 live near me,they're the best choices I have.
My favorite time of the month is the 1st Wednesday of every month because that's when I can go to no place for hate,all my friends are officers there and one of us have missed a meeting,and we pour all of our energy in helping others and those meetings to let out our feelings.
I have to many story's to list on here but I don't want to take a year of typing.
I don't stand up for myself or to bullies but I can easily get them to stop hurting my friends without them noticing.
I still get insulted on how ugly,stupid,fat and hideous I am but.....

As long as I accept what they say and know what they say is true and think of them as giving me a lecture on the truth then I know I will make it.